If my memory serves me right, this dish has now been savored in various forms in our family for two decades. When Mama Noodle unveiled this classic on New Year's Day of 1990 or 1991, we had never seen its equal. No one quite knew what to do. Many years later, when I was living 2,000 miles from Mama Noodle, my wife Yankee Noodle Candy was sweet enough to prepare me a taste of home. Her first couple attempts were abject failures for various reasons (make sure you rinse the beans!). But in October of 2006, she aced it, and since then life in our dining room has never quite been the same. I'm told that Hot Dry Noodlin' and Canoodlin' also create variants of this dish. It's quite possible that this is my all time favorite.

The recipe will not be unveiled. As I said, it's a cherished family heirloom. But this blog is about eating, and there's plenty to write about the process.

These days, the first step for me is to hold my head over the pot of chili and just sniff it.

The first step in preparation is to grab some iceberg lettuce and scatter it around the plate. Be careful! If someone (perhaps a wife or a mother) is in charge of how much you eat, you don't want to stack the lettuce too high, because the finished product will appear unreasonably monstrous and you'll be blamed for taking too much food, even though you didn't really take all that much. The reason? The lettuce pile artificially inflated the perceived amount of food you're about to eat.

The next step is to lay out the tortilla chips, although some prefer to do this before the lettuce step. We prefer a brand called Santitas that we discovered out West (although it's now available in the Midwest!), an affordable and adequately salty brand that's slow to sog. Again, don't take too many curly chips or you'll get in trouble for taking "too much food" even though it's just empty pockets of air caused by abnormally shaped chips.

Now it gets serious. The chili - the ground beef, the beans, the bell peppers, onions, tomatoes, spices, etc - is truly a work of art. Hopefully you have an inconspicuously flat bed of lettuce and chips so that you can take as much as possible without making a mess or looking like a hog.

The final step is to bury the chili in shredded cheddar cheese. Watching it melt is an event in itself. A common mistake made by the novice eater at this point is to add sour cream. This must be avoided. You don't want to taint a masterpiece.

It's usually at this point that I set my plate down and hope that the height of the glorious food goes unnoticed. I did pretty well tonight. The pile wasn't large enough to create suspicion.

This meal moves in stages. First, you grab any visible chip and gently lift it (together with any food that rests upon it) toward and into your mouth. When the chips have disappeared or only soggy ones remain, it's time to pick up your fork.

Finally we arrive at "The Last Bite." Remember how important it is to nail this!

Upon finishing, the eater is left traumatized that the meal is over.

But wait! Don't forget that this meal is actually even better on the second day!

MAMA NOODLE'S TACO SALAD (YANKEE NOODLE CANDY VARIANT)
YANKEE NOODLE RATING: 44 out of 10 mmmm's.

If my memory serves me right, my amazing wife first created her inimitable Lasagna Rolls on a hot, humid day in the summer of 2006. Since then, she has come up with many variations, but this remains my favorite.

Lasagna is one of those foods that I did not like as a young eater but came to love as my palate aged. The question is: was it a change in the composition of my impeccable tastebuds, or did I simply open myself up to the possibility of new forms of lasagna? It's quite possible that the lasagnas I consumed in the past were too heavy on the ricotta, too light on the mozzarella and spinach, or perhaps - most devastatingly - tainted with mushrooms.

In any case, this particular version of lasagna is a winner, as you can plainly see. We like to enjoy it with a salad of iceberg lettuce, croutons, parmesan crisps, and various herbs and spices.

I alluded in my introductory post to "The Last Bite," and this concept deserves further discussion. Too often people eat their food without enough thought. They see the food and eat it. Sadly, this deprives the eater of the suspense and ultimate fulfillment that come with preserving "the last bite." Who wants to end their meal with a random crumb or a taste of decent but mediocre bread when it could have ended with the best possible piece of the best food available? Well, no one does... but too many settle for this anyway. We need to pursue "The Last Bite." Let me show you how it's done.

In this dish, we have lasagna and we have salad. While the salad is good, the lasagna is better, so we should start with the salad, but that's the patented ordering system that I'll address in another post. The key is to eat the best-looking piece of each food group last. Take a look at this piece of salad:

The lettuce looks crispy and juicy, and it's adorned with beautiful herbs and spices and a smattering of parmesan. It will obviously taste great. This should be the last bite of salad.

Now let's take a look at the lasagna. Every bite is blissful, but see how this piece combines all the best aspects of the lasagna rolls? It's a perfect mixture of crispy and toasty on one side and excessively cheesy on the other side. It's also a very large bite, which means the eater (me) will be able to savor it for quite some time. This is an excellent choice for "The Last Bite" of the meal.

Now let's talk about technique. When partaking of the last bite, you need to make sure you'll be able to enjoy it in peace. If you've been engaged in conversation, wait for a natural break so that you won't feel compelled to answer any time soon. You don't want to be interrupted in the middle of your last bite. Since I usually wear glasses, I take them off at this point (if I haven't already) so that I can really get a good look at the food as it approaches. Ensure you're in a comfortable position.

Place the last bite in your mouth and SAVOR. Take your time. No one should be judging you, and they should be respectful of this moment. Yes, you'll look like an idiot, but don't let people's perceptions of you get in the way of your enjoyment of your food. Chew slowly. Swirl it around. Enjoy it.

Next time you're enjoying a great meal and you aren't in the company of people who have any impact on your employment situation, go ahead and practice "The Last Bite."

YANKEE NOODLE CANDY'S LASAGNA ROLLS
YANKEE NOODLE RATING: 9.93 out of 10 mmmm's.